But Your Honor, I never left my chair: A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to drunken driving while operating a motorized recliner. The man had a blood alcohol level of 0.29 while driving his chair, part La-Z-Boy, part riding lawnmower, when it struck a parked car.

We’re more curious about what his blood alcohol level was when he got the idea to mount a recliner on a lawnmower.

—-

You’ll excuse me for not shaking hands: Among this weekend’s onstage choices in Seattle is “Puppetry of the Penis,” adult performance art by two men practiced in the art of “genital origami.”

We have not seen this show, but we’re pretty sure that, once again, blood alcohol level had some part to play in the thought: “We should take this on the road.”

—-

What clown? A study concluded that people tend to miss things around them as they talk on cell phones when it noted that 25 percent of people using phones failed to notice a clown riding a unicycle through the campus of Western Washington University in Bellingham.

Those who didn’t see the clown said they were distracted by the guy in the motorized recliner and the two guys behind him practicing “genital origami.”