By Jon Bauer
Herald staff
In the likelihood that we forgot to get Mom a card, allow us to take advantage of this column and wish The Sainted Mother of All Buzzes a happy Mother’s Day. A copy of this column will be tucked beneath an Egg McMuffin and a cup of coffee and delivered to her front door; unless she’s moved again without giving us her new address.
In other news of the week that wasn’t:
No wonder the IRS audit is taking so long: The New York Times, following a review of President Trump’s tax records between 1985 and 1994, reported that Trump recorded $1.17 billion in financial losses in real estate, which helped him avoid paying incomes taxes during most of that period. Trump called the report “fake news” but appeared to defend the losses at the same time, referring to the tax dodge as “sport.”
If losing $1.17 billion is “sport,” you’d think that Trump would stop cheating, admit he’s a lousy golfer and call it “winning.”
I’ve got the horse right here: President Trump weighed in on the Kentucky Derby’s controversial finish after the horse that crossed the line first, Maximum Security, was disqualified for impeding the path of two other horses. The runner-up, Country House, which was a 65-1 long shot, was declared the winner. Trump blamed “political correctness” for the unanimous call by three judges.
“No,” said one man, holding a ticket to win for Country House. “I’d call that ‘sport.’”
Listen to you mother: A report by a United Nations panel of scientists on the earth’s bio-diversity concludes that 1 million of the planet’s plant and animal species may become extinct within decades unless steps are taken to protect and restore habitat, reduce pollution and curb climate change. That level of extinction could, in turn, threaten human survival.
Our inner optimist believes that humans will finally figure things out and will survive. The pessimist in us fears we’ll wait until it’s just us and the cockroaches.
That explains the brown astronaut suits: Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon and aerospace manufacturer Blue Origin, unveiled a fullsize mock-up of a moon lander that he hopes to persuade the U.S. government to use as it seeks to return to the moon within five years. The lander, dubbed Blue Moon, would ferry cargo and supplies to the moon’s surface in advance of a human crew.
Bezos didn’t say what the lander might cost, but it looks remarkably similar to a UPS truck.
Dumpster diving: The Oregon state Supreme Court, overruling more than 50 years of state case law, determined that Oregonians retain a right to privacy over the garbage they leave at the curb, meaning that police, reporters and others can’t rummage through garbage for evidence even after a garbage truck hauls it away. “Most Oregonians,” the court wrote, “would consider their garbage to be private and deem it highly improper for others … to take away their garbage bin and scrutinize its contents.”
Except in Portland, where taking away a neighbor’s garbage to scrutinize its contents is considered “sport.”
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com.
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