The Buzz: An otherwise blameless account of week that wasn’t

On today’s docket: Manafort, Shkreli and Eyman; all rise, but keep a close eye on your chair.

By Jon Bauer

Herald staff

We’d like the judge who will preside over our upcoming infraction hearing for driving too fast for conditions during last month’s snowstorm to recognize our otherwise blameless life.

Mostly blameless? Mostly harmless? Relatively free of felony?

In other news begging pardon in the week that wasn’t:

White collars matter: Paul Manafort, President Trump’s one-time campaign manager, was sentenced to nearly four years in prison for cheating on his taxes and bank fraud, far lower than the 24 years in prison called for in federal sentencing guidelines. A U.S. District Court judge in Virginia said the sentence he imposed was more in line with typical penalties for those convicted of similar crimes.

What the judge meant by “similar crimes” were those committed by old white men that don’t involve possession of marijuana, petty theft or any nonviolent felony committed by a black or Latino male.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

Not what’s meant by “chairman”: Mukilteo initiative promoter Tim Eyman has pleaded not guilty to stealing a $70 office chair from a Office Depot store in Lacey. A trial date has been set for April 16.

Tim, if your lawyer can swing a change of venue, we know this judge in Virginia who might be sympathetic.

Don’t do the crime if you can’d do the time: Former hedge-fund manager and “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli is under investigation by New Jersey’s prison bureau for alleging using a cellphone, in violation of prison rules, while serving his seven-year prison term for investment fraud. Shkreli faces a year in prison for the violation.

But using the same formula Shkreli used in increasing the price of one of his pharmaceutical’s drugs, that works out to 5,000 years.

Truth serum: Facebook announced its plans to curb anti-vaccination conspiracy theories and misinformation by no longer recommending offending pages and groups and blocking advertisements that include false content about vaccines.

It’s a good first step among many Facebook needs to take. Next: Blocking all the ridiculous memes that Facebook users accept as truth because they feature large type printed on a colored background.

Would a pair of shorts count as one survival item or two? An Edmonds man has joined the unclothed ranks of those appearing in the Discovery Channel’s reality show, “Naked and Afraid,” which drops a co-ed couple into the wilderness with no clothing and two survival items. Pixelation and strategically placed palm fronds keep the show at a PG-13 level.

But, really, it isn’t anything your spouse hasn’t seen every morning when you get out of bed in the morning to put the cat out.

Be kind; rewind: The Blockbuster store in Bend, Oregon, will be the last of its kind in the world with the coming closure of a Blockbuster in Perth, Australia. There were once 9,000 Blockbuster video-rental stores across the globe.

Now the world will beat a path to Bend to rent a VHS tape of 1984’s “The Karate Kid.” Guess I better return it.

You’d hope they’d know the difference: A sewage spill at the Puget Sound Naval Shipyards in Bremerton, caused when someone mistook sewage for seawater, prompted a warning from the county’s public health board to avoid contact with the waters of Sinclair Inlet.

We’re going for coffee. Write your own poop deck joke here.

Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

Graduates don't toss your hats, Graduation 2025, high costs, student loans,  pass the hat, college, universities, Commencement 2025, degree, academics, academia, studies, scholarship
Editorial cartoons for Wednesday, May 28

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

A Lakewood Middle School eighth-grader (right) consults with Herald Opinion Editor Jon Bauer about the opinion essay he was writing for a class assignment. (Kristina Courtnage Bowman / Lakewood School District)
Youth Forum: Just what are those kids thinking?

A sample of opinion essays written by Lakewood Middle School eighth-graders as a class assignment.

Welch: Governor went back on cuts-first, taxes-last promise

By signing his party’s budget and its $9 billion in tax increases, he’s OK’d financial disaster.

Comment: Silver tsunami all that stands between us and recession

Those collecting from Social Security are sustaining consumption and the housing market.

Comment: What’s the upshot of FDA’s new covid shot policy?

It’s not clear, but for those younger than 65, it could be harder to get a booster shot if desired.

Comment: As Trump turns back, Ukraine, Europe on their own

The U.S. had the tools to pressure Russia and balked. There is a path forward for Ukraine with Europe.

Comment: Musk AI project ducks pollution permits with EPA help

The Memphis project, using methane turbines for electricity, is operating without permits.

A visitor takes in the view of Twin Lakes from a second floor unit at Housing Hope’s Twin Lakes Landing II Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2023, in Marysville, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Editorial: Housing Hope’s ‘Stone Soup’ recipe for community

With homelessness growing among seniors, an advocate calls for support of the nonprofit’s projects.

Wildfire smoke builds over Darrington on Friday, Sept. 11, 2020 in Darrington, Wa. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Editorial: Loss of research funds threat to climate resilience

The Trump administration’s end of a grant for climate research threatens solutions communities need.

toon
Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, May 27

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Comment: Nation’s debt problem is also a retirement problem

The costs of Social Security require changes that would increase the early retirement age for more.

Klein: What do we get out of Trump’s Big Budget Bomb?

By adding $3T to the national debt, we’re kicking millions off Medicaid and giving that money to the wealthy.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.