By Jon Bauer
Herald staff
It’s that magical time of year when the War on Christmas decorations are hung with care, indictments and guilty pleas blanket courtrooms and denials of earlier statements ring out across the land.
Pour yourself a mug of lactose-free, gluten-free, egg-free eggnog and let’s review the week that wasn’t:
O, Christmas Tree, what the hell happened? First Lady Melania Trump didn’t show up for the traditional press preview of the White House Christmas decorations last week, which this year includes 40 narrow conical trees lining the East Colonnade — flocked in blood-red — and ornaments and wreaths that proclaimed her anti-bullying motto, “Be Best.” The First Lady, a spokeswoman said, preferred to let the decorations speak for themselves.
We’re not exactly sure what the trees had to say for themselves, but in a barely audible whisper you can hear: “0202 pmurt, 0202 pmurt.” and “Noisulloc on. Noisulloc on.”
There can be only one: Although she still faces a vote of the full House, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi won the Democratic Party’s nomination to serve as House speaker when Congress starts its new term in January. Pelosi faces opposition from some Democrats who want younger, more progressive leadership for Democrats, though no one has stood to challenger her.
In a shift from tradition, Pelosi, D-The Highlander, instead of a gavel will begin each day’s in the House by raising a steel katana sword, decorated with a carved dragon’s head, an ivory handle and an ornate golden hilt.
Well, that’s settled then: A landmark U.S. study on global climate change, completed by 13 federal agencies, warns that unless carbon emissions are reduced the U.S. will face mounting costs of $100 billion to $200 billion each year in coming decades because of extreme weather events and disasters, crop losses and health crises. President Trump’s reply to the report was a curt: “I don’t believe it.”
The report makes few policy recommendations, but climate scientists were said to be working diligently on a specialized filter that would limit the most noxious emissions spewing from the president’s mouth.
Maybe add some more cupholders? General Motors announced its plans to close up to five plants in North America and lay off 14,000 workers as it restructures to focus more on SUVs, trucks and autonomous and electric vehicles. Analysts said the decision to move away from making compacts and sedan was necessary because GM doesn’t make money on them.
We blame a failure of imagination. Try this, GM: Take off the wheels, put the cars on blocks and sell them as those trendy tiny houses.
Drill, baby, drill: NASA engineers celebrated as the InSight lander touched down on Mars after several minutes of nervous waiting during a perilous descent. Unlike Mars rovers already on the planet’s surface, InSight won’t budge but will drill about 16 feet into the surface to lower seismic equipment that will listen for “marsquakes” that could provide clues as to the makeup of the planet’s core.
But as long as it’s digging holes, Matt Damon will be along soon to plant some potatoes.
It’s Mueller time: Former Trump lawyer and “fixer” Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to charges of lying to Congress regarding when talks ended with Russia for a proposed Trump Tower in Moscow. Cohen told Congress negotiations ended in early 2016, but now says they continued well into Trump’s presidential campaign, despite Trump’s denial of dealings with Russia.
Correction: Actually, the charging documents don’t mention Donald Trump, and reference someone the documents refer to as “Individual 1.” So the above statement should have read that “Cohen pleaded guilty to charges of lying to Federal Legislative Body 1 regarding when negotiations ended with Vodka-Producing Country 1 for a proposed Individual 1 Tower in Vodka-Producing County 1’s Capital City 1.”
The Buzz regrets the error.
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com.
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