By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Your Obedient Corespondent, having returned this week from vacation and still entertaining notions of avoiding work, is impressed with news of dozens of undergraduates at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign — home of The Fighting Bubbles, we assume — who when caught cheating and fudging attendance for an introductory data science course, sent their two professors apologies; written by an AI chatbot.
The students were caught up by the AI’s similarly phrased responses.
In other news that we’re certain not even AI could hallucinate:
Boom goes the dynamite: President Trump, apparently in response to reports that Russia had tested a nuclear-powered cruise missile and underwater drone, ordered the “Department of War” to resume testing of nuclear weapons, a program the U.S. halted in 1992. But a resumption of testing, experts say, would be costly, would take months to years to resume and has been replaced successfully with computer modeling for more than 30 years. In any event, nuclear testing would be handled by the Department of Energy and not the Defense Department.
Fortunately, the big red button on Trump’s desk is only good for ordering Diet Cokes.
Maybe the heat’s getting to Bill: Billionaire Bill Gates has changed his outlook on climate change, calling for a “strategic pivot” that shifts the focus from reducing greenhouse gas emissions and the global rise in temperatures to fighting poverty and disease. Given a choice between eradicating malaria and reducing the temperature by a tenth of a degree, “I’ll let the temperature go up 0.1 degree to get rid of malaria,” Gates said.
We’re all for fighting poverty and disease, Bill, but the mosquitoes we know are OK with the heat and, anyway, prefer their blood medium-rare to medium.
‘And get me a McFlurry while you’re at it’: Senate Majority Leader John Thune, R-South Dakota, is rejecting a demand from President Trump to eliminate the Senate’s filibuster — a long-held rule that requires 60 votes among senators to move legislation to a floor vote — so that Senate Republicans can approve an end to the government shutdown without votes from Democrats. Republicans have expressed concern that if the filibuster is thrown out, and the Senate were to change hands, Democrats could adopt progressive legislative regardless of GOP objections.
Also there’s concern that Trump has confused the filibuster with an ice cream treat available at Dairy Queen.
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown: President Trump, during his trade-talks swing through Asian nations was feted with cultural performances and gifts galore, including a golden golf ball and golf club from Japan and, from South Korea, a replica golden crown and the country’s highest honor, the “Grand Order of the Mugunghwa.”
Just a note to the president’s chief of staff: Unless you want another round of viral memes and stories about Trump’s apparent dementia, don’t let him put the crown on and repeatedly stumble over the pronunciation of “Mugunghwa.”
This Old House: More than half of Americans disapprove of President Trump’s demolition of the White House’s East Wing in preparation for construction of a 90,000-square-foot, $300 million ballroom. The Washington Post, ABC News and Ipsos poll found that 56 percent objected to the White House renovation while only 28 percent were in favor of the renovation.
The remaining 16 percent were reserving judgment until they could watch “Property Brothers: White House Edition” on HGTV.
Andrew’s Windsor Not: New disclosures regarding the extent of the relationship between child sexual trafficker Jeffrey Epstein and Britain’s Prince Andrew, the younger brother of King Charles III, have resulted in Buckingham Palace’s decision to strip Andrew of his “style, titles and honors,” meaning he will be relegated to his family last name of Mountbatten Windsor and will be evicted from his taxpayer-supported 30-room residence at Royal Lodge and moved to a private house. Andrew already had relinquished the title of Duke of York.
Andrew will now be referred to as The Lech Formerly Known as Prince. (And President Trump will again deny knowing Andrew, despite photos of the two together at a party in 2000.)
Master of the house, doling out the charm: When President Trump took over Kennedy Center, the reasoning cited by the man he put in charge, Richard Grenell, was that the center’s programming wasn’t bringing in enough ticket revenue. But nine months in, The Washington Post reports, ticket sales at the nation’s performing arts home are at their lowest point in years. An average of only 43 percent of tickets have been sold for performances, and some of those were reportedly “comps,” free tickets handed out to staff and the media. In 2024, about 93 percent of tickets for Kennedy Center events were sold.
Maybe what’s needed is a marketing opportunity that casts the President and First Lady in guest-starring roles in Kennedy Center productions: the innkeeper and his wife in “Les Misérables,” Rum Tug Tugger and Grizabella in “Cats,” and Brad and Janet in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on Bluesky @jontbauer.bsky.social.
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