By Jon Bauer
This is how riveting Thursday’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearing to consider the testimony of Christine Blasey Ford, who claims Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her when they were both teenagers, and Kavanaugh’s response was: President Trump postponed his meeting with Assistant Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who’s future with the administration is tenuous at best.
When was the last time Trump put off a chance to bellow, “Your’re fired!”
Other surprises in the week that wasn’t:
Keeping it 100: During their testimony Thursday before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Kavanaugh and Ford each said they were “100 percent certain” in their recollections; Ford in her testimony that Kavanaugh assaulted her; Kavanaugh in his that the accusations were not true.
Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley, R-Traffic Court, after consulting his judiciary rule book, determined that the tie goes to the runner and voted to move ahead with Kavanaugh’s confirmation.
Honey, where are the good sheets? During his opening testimony, Kavanaugh attempted to put the reports of drinking during his high school and college years into context, testifying, “I drank beer with my friends. … Sometimes I had too many beers. … I liked beer. I still like beer. But I did not drink beer to the point of blacking out.”
Kavanaugh’s testimony might have been more convincing, however, if he had taken off the toga and laurel wreath he was wearing.
Nice laaaaady: Among the GOP committee members at Thursday’s hearing was Utah’s Sen. Orrin Hatch. When asked if he considered Ford’s testimony credible, Hatch replied: “I don’t think she’s un-credible. I think she’s an attractive, good witness.” Fellow Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham called Ford, “a nice lady who has come forward to tell a hard story that is uncorroborated.”
To demonstrate their impartiality, Hatch and Graham pointed to their earlier description of Kavanaugh as “handsome” and “a good boy.”
Wanna grab some beers? The New York Times reported that “tourists in Seattle have a new must-see destination: Amazon Go, the cashierless store that company opened near downtown in January.” The Amazon Go stores uses sensors and cameras to track what customers remove from shelves and take out the doors without having to check out or even take out their wallets.
Eh, those rubes from New York must be easily impressed. We see folks go into stores, take stuff off shelves and leave without paying all the time.
What about Milk of Magnesia? The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is calling for public comments to determine if consumers are confused about the differences between milk from dairy cows and that produced from non-dairy sources such as soy beans, almonds and coconuts. The dairy industry wants the government to limit the term milk to cow’s milk only.
We know the difference between regular milk and soy milk; we just think it’s a waste of time — and a little inhumane — to round up the soy beans, almonds and coconuts to brand them before milking.
Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you: President Trump, responding to stories about laughter by members of the United Nations General Assembly to his remarks that his administration “has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country in its first two years,” explained that the world’s leaders “weren’t laughing at me, they were laughing with me.” He also called the laughter “a sign of respect” because those in attendance “aren’t big into clapping, applauding, smiling.”
It’s true. Trump was a hit with the crowd. During his address, the ambassador from the Democratic Republic of Nambia stood up and yelled, “Do ‘Rocket Man!’ We loved that bit!”
Jon Bauer: firstname.lastname@example.org