By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Welcome to March Madness. In our bracket we have callousness, greed, ignorance and ridiculousness meeting in the Final Four. There are no winners, however.
Who had the broccoli beef? The New York Times reported Friday that Elon Musk was scheduled to meet at the Pentagon for a briefing on the U.S. military’s plans for any war that might break out with China, raising questions about the expansion of Musk’s role beyond DOGE and possible conflicts of interest considering Musk’s military contracts and his holdings in China. Three officials confirmed the meeting would be focused on China, but President Trump denied the report, insisting that “China will not even be mentioned or discussed.”
A fourth official also confirmed the meeting and said discussions of China would be limited to which items to order out from a nearby Panda Express.
Inside voice, please, Mr. President: After President Trump called for the impeachment of a federal judge who had ruled against the administration in an immigration case, calling him a “Radical Left Lunatic of a Judge,” U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts issued a public statement, rebuking the president with a reminder that “impeachment is not an appropriate response to disagreement concerning a judicial decision,” and further advising Trump that “the normal appellate response process exists for that purpose.”
Roberts now plans to offer a daily 10th grade U.S. Civics refresher course for the president, covering topics such as how a bill becomes a law, checks and balances, the Bill of Rights, the role of Congress (which congressional Republicans are invited to audit) and the folly of the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act of 1930.
You talkin’ to me? Following Roberts’ statement, Trump told Fox News that the chief justice “didn’t mention my name in the statement,” as if the rebuke was meant for someone else.
In the future, the chief justice will employ the full-name addressing technique used by mothers everywhere: “Donald John Trump, I’m talking to you, mister!”
If it’s Tesla, that’s a Guess Nah: Two NASA astronauts — stranded on the International Space Station for nine months after concerns were raised about the safety of the Boeing Starliner spacecraft they arrived on and which returned without incident months ago uncrewed — returned to earth safely Tuesday on a SpaceX Dragon capsule, which splashed down in the Gulf of Mexico.
Briefed on the last nine months down here — including the risks of riding in any vehicle attached to Special Government Employee™ Elon Musk’s name — the astronauts booked the next flight back to the space station on a Starliner.
What the flock? Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the nation’s top health official, has suggested that U.S. poultry farms should just allow bird flu to run its course through flocks in order to identify chickens that survive and may have developed an immunity to the virus, rather than culling the birds to reduce the infection’s spread, an idea now endorsed by the U.S. agriculture secretary. Scientists say that could be dangerous because every infection is an opportunity for the virus to mutate, perhaps developing an ability to spread among humans.
We’d tell Kennedy to go suck an egg, but even Trump in urging him to “go wild on health” probably didn’t mean for him to become Patient Zero for the next global pandemic. Besides, does his brain worm really need company?
The Warren Omission: In its haste to release some 64,000 pages of once-classified documents regarding the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy, the White House now is scrambling to minimize the damage from the release of personal information, including the Social Security numbers of congressional staff members, intelligence researchers and others, some of whom are still alive. The White House admitted it hadn’t started combing through the documents for such unintended releases until after they were out.
“Big deal,” said a member of Elon Musk’s DOGE Bro Squad. “We had those numbers weeks ago.”
Cold discomfort: The parent company of Ben & Jerry’s, Unilever, is being sued by the premium ice cream maker over allegations that it ousted its chief executive for defending its “social mission.” Ben & Jerry’s, known for its support of progressive causes, such as Black Lives Matter and LGBTQ+ rights, alleges Unilever also prevented the company from issuing social media posts commemorating Black History Month and protesting the detention of a Columbia University graduate student who holds a green card.
And it didn’t help matters when Unilever ordered the company to release new flavors, including Glazed DOGEnut, Lemon Pucker Carlson, Elon Musk Melon and Chunky Liberal Tears.
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on Blue Sky jontbauer@bsky.social.
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