By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Before we begin, allow us to say to Elon Musk, who now has access to our Social Security numbers and God knows what else: “It’s good what you did; it’s real good.”
And, no, we’re not referencing a certain “Twilight Zone” episode starring Billy Mumy as an all-powerful child.
Obligatory ‘South Park’ ‘Annnnd, It’s Gone’ Reference: Elon Musk, heading up President Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency, reportedly gained — at the least — viewing access to much of the corporate and personal financial data, including Social Security numbers, held by government agencies and perhaps the ability to cancel payments he — and his team of 19- to 24-year-old tech bros still dealing with the raw emotions from rejection at junior prom — deems as “woke” or simply wasteful.
The good news: Putting your life in the hands of one of Musk’s “self-driving” autopilot Teslas, which have failed to stop for motorcycles, semi-trucks, school buses and pedestrians, now seems like a safer bet.
You’re not hallucinating, but AI is: Musk and his DOGE team are feeding some of that information into AI software to assess the Department of Education’s programs and spending to suggest cuts and elimination of programs.
Knowing how accurately AI produces images of people’s six-fingered hands, we’ll assume that DOGE’s AI will end up increasing the agency’s budget.
America First, then Gaza, Panama, Greenland, Canada … President Trump’s “concept of a plan” for the United States to take over the Gaza Strip, deport its 2.2 million Palestinian residents and turn it into a “Riviera of the Middle East” was met with surprise, even from supporters, and quick opposition from Arab and other world leaders, and Palestinians themselves. “Gaza,” Trump insisted, as he stood next to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, “is not a place for people to be living.”
Of course not; it’s a place for rich tourists to be sunbathing, gambling at casinos, staying at luxury hotels, playing golf, shopping at high-end retail shops and buying time-share condominiums. Gazans who insist on a right to return will be generously invited to work — for tips — as pool boys, maids and golf caddies.
Still waiting for our Grammy for Best Spoken-Word Snark: Even with a television broadcast that lasted more than three hours, the Grammy Awards’ celebration of veteran and break-out musical artists — and firefighters, to boot — couldn’t fit in all the accolades. Here’s what wasn’t broadcast, along with Bianca Censori’s uncensoried dress:
Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club, I’m gonna keep on dancing at the Pink Pony Club, I’m going to keep on dancing at the …” on heavy rotation in your brain since last Sunday night, for Most Annoying Ear Worm.
Jaden Smith, the 26-year-old son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, showed up on the red carpet in a Louis Vuitton suit and a headdress featuring a black “Transylvanian Vampire Castle,” winning for Most Stylish Solution to Affordable Housing.
Beyonce, who won both Best Country Album and Best Album for her country-influenced “Cowboy Carter,” also won for Best Meritocracy Clapback to DEI-Phobic Whiners.
‘First thing, ditch those fruity rainbow-ribboned medallions: President Trump is expected to announce that he will dismiss several members of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, the organization that stages its “Kennedy Center Honors” career celebration for performing artists. Trump during his first term never attended the ceremony, in apparent reaction to snubs of some celebrities.
Among next year’s expected honorees at the Trump Center for the Hugely Fantastic Performing Arts: Lee Greenwood, Kanye West (with Bianca Censori along until she’s escorted out), Kid Rock and “the late, great Hannibal Lecter,” recognized for his food and wine pairings.
The YR is for ‘You ready?’ Astronomers have increased the chances that a 300-foot wide asteroid, 2024 YR, will strike the earth to 2.3 percent, up from their 1.3 percent estimate in December. The asteroid is about the size of the Tunguska asteroid that flattened 830 square miles of Siberian forests in 1908.
2024 YR is not predicted to arrive until 2032, but that gives Trump until then to finish Gaza-Lago for its karmic grand opening.
Email Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on BlueSky at @jontbauer.bsky.social.
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