By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Here we were, certain we would be experiencing Elon Musk withdrawal — it’s like ketamine withdrawal, but without the bladder incontinence — with the departure of the former Special Government Employee™ from the Washington, D.C. scene.
Obviously, we needn’t have worried:
We are not amused: President Trump bristled this week when told of the thousands of “No Kings” protests across the country on Saturday, coinciding with his military parade in Washington, D.C., and his 79th birthday. “No, no. We’re not a king,” Trump insisted. “We’re not a king at all, thank you very much.”
At that point, an adviser leaned over to whisper, “Sire, perhaps this isn’t the occasion to use the royal ‘we.’”
Suppose they gave a parade and nobody came: The timing of Saturday’s military parade in Washington, D.C., planned to mark the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, but also tied to President Trump’s birthday, is concerning some current and former military officials, with its juxtaposition to the president’s call-up of National Guard troops and U.S. Marines to Los Angeles, in response to anti-Immigration and Customs Enforcement protests there. Some worried it could appear the military was celebrating a crackdown on Americans.
The military? No. But we’re wondering why Trump, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem and border czar Tom Homan, before the parade, were wearing T-shirts for “U.S. Military Crackdown Tour 2025,” with a list of blue cities on the back.
Maybe he wanted a T-shirt: U.S. Sen. Alex Padilla, D-Calif., the son of Mexican immigrants, was forcibly removed from a Los Angeles news conference being held by Noem, and was shoved to the floor and handcuffed by FBI agents, after he identified himself and attempted to ask the homeland security secretary a question. Noem was addressing the military presence in the city. Padilla was released soon after the confrontation.
His brief arrest was — no doubt — an overreaction, but the senator is probably fortunate he hadn’t brought his dog along with him.
Yes, I am throwing away your shots: Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., after removing all 17 members of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s vaccine advisory panel, named eight people he has selected to serve on the committee, which advises the CDC on the use of vaccines and which should ultimately be covered by insurance. Only some of the new panelists are medical doctors, and none have expertise in vaccines.
Also named to the panel was Kennedy’s parasitic brain worm, but the worm will serve only as a nonvoting member; as it has no hand to raise.
Where there’s always a boast and Bragg: President Trump, during a speech at Fort Bragg, N.C., said he would restore the names of all Army bases that had been renamed by Congress late in his first term because they honored Confederate generals, including Fort Bragg, which until recently was Fort Liberty. But the restored names, rather than again referencing the Confederate leaders, now honor other veterans who share the same surname. The effort took some research. Fort A.P. Hill honors three veterans for the two initials and last name. At the same time, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has ordered the renaming of a Navy vessel that honored Harvey Milk — a Navy diver, Korean War veteran and gay rights figure — along with those of other John Lewis-class ships honoring civil rights figures.
Mission accomplished, folks; the military isn’t “woke” anymore. But its winking pretty obviously at white nationalists and homophobes.
It’s not easy being green: A judge has ordered the release of a Harvard University researcher from Russia who has spent months in an ICE facility after she was detained and charged with smuggling frog embryos into the country. Kseniia Petrova, who has criticized Russian President Vladimir Putin in protest of his war in Ukraine, faces deportation and possible imprisonment if sent back to Russia. Petrova, a cancer researcher in the U.S. on a student visa, neglected to declare the biological samples, a violation that usually involves surrendering the item and a $500 fine; not deportation.
Deported for forgetting to declare petri dishes? Was ICE worried that the frog embryos were going to — what? — jump the border?
Melania, which one is Rob, and why is he lame? President Trump and the First Lady attended a production of the popular Broadway musical “Les Misérables” at Washington, D.C.’s Kennedy Center this week, months after firing members of the cultural center’s board and making himself chairman. Before the play, Trump was asked with which of the musical’s characters he identified more: the protagonist Jean Valjean, or Javert, the police inspector who hunts Valjean throughout. “That’s tough,” Trump said, turning to his wife. “You better answer that one, honey. I don’t know.”
Melanie just smiled, but was heard singing a refrain of the innkeepers’ showstopper, “Master of the House,” under her breath. “What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse; God knows how I’ve lasted living with this bastard in the house!”
Email Herald Opinion Editor Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on Bluesky @jontbauer.bsky.social.
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