They’re always after me Lucky Charms!

We’re celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with a hearty bowl of Lucky Charms, the cereal that made marshmallows one of the staples of a healthy breakfast and allowed dentists to make countless boat payments.

An Orlando police officer celebrated early by dressing up as a leprechaun and handing out speeding tickets (http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/03/17/100wir_a2deputy001.cfm). If you capture a leprechaun, you’re supposed to be able to take his pot o’ gold. Best not to try that if he’s carrying a gun.

Many school cafeterias aren’t inspected twice a year as they should be, an investigation showed (http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/03/17/100wir_a7school001.cfm). Two inspections a year? It just goes to show how kids are coddled nowadays. Back in the day, that mystery meat used to toughen up your digestive tract for the fast-food world. Now the only way to get kids ready for Taco Bell is to take them there.

Paging Dr. House. The case of a girl with never-ending hiccups seems right up his alley. The Florida 15-year-old hiccuped for five straight weeks earlier this year, and now is back at it again (http://www.heraldnet.com/stories/07/03/17/100wir_a2hiccup001.cfm).

If TV’s House took the case, he could solve it. He’d disrespect his co-workers, play video games, score some illegal Vicodin and misdiagnose her three times first, but he’d figure it out.

— Doug Parry, Herald staff