Answers to common questions about coping with COVID-19 crisis

How to calm a young child’s fears, help older kids with disappointment, and dealing with marital strife.

We are living in a challenging time of uncertainty. With so many unknowns, it’s common to feel stressed, anxious or overwhelmed. There are also many unanswered questions on coping with problems at home related to the pandemic. To help address these problems, here are some answers to common questions arising during this troubled time.

Q: I’m really worried about my 3-year-old daughter. She seems to be bouncing off the walls. What can I do to help her?

Young children are emotional sponges. They absorb what their parents and older siblings feel. With COVID-19, social distancing and the fear of the unknown, we are all stressed. Little kids absorb that tension, but don’t have words for expressing their experience. They express those feelings in action. Little kids get hyper, more demanding, have meltdowns and get tearful — but they don’t know why.

Enter the kid’s show, “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” Daniel knows how to belly breathe, and we can teach Sarah how to take long slow breaths or practice blowing out birthday candles. It’s helpful to give her words — scared, mad and sad are all good words to suggest. Maybe she’s mad when dad is on the computer for his job rather than playing with her. Young children are confused why their parents aren’t at work. Or she’s scared when she hears mom fret about her grandma. Sarah might be sad when her best friend Mary can’t come over because she has a cough. It’s all confusing for little kids.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Staying calm yourself, keeping kids away from the news, and getting outside will help keep the tension level down. That will help your kids feel more comfortable.

And most importantly, cultivate your own calm. Your kids will absorb and act the way you behave.

Q: I’m arguing with my husband about anything and everything. I’m going nuts.

Sigh. Social distancing is keeping us at home with far more togetherness than any of us are used to. Sure, we’re getting to spend more time together — but it may not be quality time. Focus on how to have some separation — send your husband or wife out for a walk or a bike ride. We all need some alone time.

Make sure to limit alcohol consumption. Excess alcohol is a great way to loosen your tongue — but not necessarily in a good way. There is a big difference between one or two glasses of wine with dinner, and three or four glasses of wine.

Focus on the positive side of forced isolation — we get to spend more time with the people we love and who love us. Find ways of expressing that love in words and deeds. Try not to react to your partner’s irritability. Greet it with love and peace.

Q: My son’s sport season has been canceled. He seems depressed. How can I help him?

For so many kids, sports are really important. It’s a playing field where they can excel, feel competent and capable, and have fun. They enjoy the physical outlet, the pleasure of competing, and the joy of moving their body in space. It’s a big disappointment.

Learning how to cope with disappointment is a lifelong struggle that we all face. The challenge is always how to make lemonade out of lemons. Acknowledge and validate his feelings of sadness, but ask him how can he make good use of this time? Let him come up with ideas. He’s much more likely to implement one of his own ideas than one of yours. Perhaps he will decide to increase his strength and agility in interesting ways.

Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

What’s Up columnist Andrea Brown with a selection of black and white glossy promotional photos on Wednesday, June 18, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Free celeb photos! Dig into The Herald’s Hollywood time capsule

John Wayne, Travolta, Golden Girls and hundreds more B&W glossies are up for grabs at August pop-up.

Rodney Ho / Atlanta Journal-Constitution / Tribune News Service
The Barenaked Ladies play Chateau Ste. Michelle in Woodinville on Friday.
Coming events in Snohomish County

Send calendar submissions for print and online to features@heraldnet.com. To ensure your… Continue reading

Edmonds announces summer concert lineup

The Edmonds Arts Commission is hosting 20 shows from July 8 to Aug. 24, featuring a range of music styles from across the Puget Sound region.

Big Bend Photo Provided By Ford Media
2025 Ford Bronco Sport Big Bend Increases Off-Road Capability

Mountain Loop Highway Was No Match For Bronco

Cascadia College Earth and Environmental Sciences Professor Midori Sakura looks in the surrounding trees for wildlife at the North Creek Wetlands on Wednesday, June 4, 2025 in Bothell, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Cascadia College ecology students teach about the importance of wetlands

To wrap up the term, students took family and friends on a guided tour of the North Creek wetlands.

Mustang Convertible Photo Provided By Ford Media Center
Ford’s 2024 Ford Mustang Convertible Revives The Past

Iconic Sports Car Re-Introduced To Wow Masses

Kim Crane talks about a handful of origami items on display inside her showroom on Monday, Feb. 17, 2025, in Snohomish, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Crease is the word: Origami fans flock to online paper store

Kim’s Crane in Snohomish has been supplying paper crafters with paper, books and kits since 1995.

The 2025 Nissan Murano midsize SUV has two rows of seats and a five-passenger capacity. (Photo provided by Nissan)
2025 Nissan Murano is a whole new machine

A total redesign introduces the fourth generation of this elegant midsize SUV.

A woman flips through a book at the Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Pop some tags at Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley

$20 buys an outfit, a unicycle — or a little Macklemore magic. Sales support the food bank.

The Mukilteo Boulevard Homer on Monday, May 12, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
‘Homer Hedge’: A Simpsons meme takes root in Everett — D’oh!

Homer has been lurking in the bushes on West Mukilteo Boulevard since 2023. Stop by for a selfie.

Sarah and Cole Rinehardt, owners of In The Shadow Brewing, on Wednesday, March 12, 2025 in Arlington, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
In The Shadow Brewing: From backyard brews to downtown cheers

Everything seems to have fallen into place at the new taproom location in downtown Arlington

Bar manager Faith Britton pours a beer for a customer at the Madison Avenue Pub in Everett. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Burgers, brews and blues: Madison Avenue Pub has it all

Enjoy half-price burgers on Tuesday, prime rib specials and live music at the Everett mainstay.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.