Life is hard, yes, but also fleeting. To find happiness, live for today.

As my father used to say: “We’re not getting out of here alive.” So try to appreciate each day for the gift it truly is.

A friend of mine talked to me about her feelings of sadness and grief over her husband’s death four years earlier. She shared: “You’d think I’d be over my loss by now.” The reality is that there is no set timeline for grieving the loss of a loved one. Instead of getting over the death of someone we love, we learn to adjust to their absence over time.

Recently, I have heard many adults mention that they experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from common events in everyday life. They feel anxious and worried about the possibility of experiencing more negative events, such as the loss of loved ones, the end of future relationships, companies going out of business, getting laid off from another job or developing other health problems.

It’s true that we have strong emotional responses to life’s changes. The passing of loved ones hurts. Job loss is painful. Sudden illness is jarring and jagged. Beloved pets come to the end of their lives. The belief that we should somehow be immune to these natural changes results in worry that we’ll have other misfortune.

We will have other adversity. We will grow old (if we’re lucky) and experience everything from aches and pains to major illnesses. We will lose loved ones. As my father used to say: “We’re not getting out of here alive.” He’s right. None of us are immune to the inevitability of death.

Some people appear to have perfect lives where nothing goes wrong, while others face constant adversity and tragedy. It’s difficult to comprehend.

My friend, grieving the death of her husband, wonders when she will return to her normal self. What’s normal? The truth is that we’re always changing, and nothing stays the same. We can never go back to anything. The key to well-being is to accept this constant: change.

Of course, we all wish we had some kind of standard or steady state of welfare that we could return to. We want our company to be the way it “used to be.” We want to have the energy we had when we were young, the passion we felt when our relationship was new, and the ability to function the way we did in previous decades.

Are these inevitable changes traumatic? I hope not. They are the natural way of life.

The key to happiness is to live today, appreciate what you have and accept the changes that come with being alive.

Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at Optum Care Washington, formerly The Everett Clinic.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

2025 Nissan Rogue Rock Creek edition (Provided by Nissan).
2025 Nissan Rogue has new Rock Creek edition

Enhanced outdoor capability is a boon for the more adventurous.

Futuristic Kona Limited Photo Provided By Hyundai Newsroom.
2025 Hyundai Kona Limited SUV Gets Roomier

All-Wheel Drive Option Add To All Trims

Children play and look up at a large whale figure hanging from the ceiling at the Imagine Children’s Museum (Olivia Vanni / The herald)
Fun for all ages: The best places for family adventures

From thrilling activities to relaxing outings, here’s where to make unforgettable family memories!

Everett P. Fog, 15, in front of an Everett mural along Colby Avenue on Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Hello, Everett! No escape when your name is same as the town

Everett P. Fog, 15, sees and hears his first name wherever he goes. His middle name is also epic.

Jared Meads takes a breath after dunking in an ice bath in his back yard while his son Fallen, 5, reads off the water temperature on Tuesday, Oct. 15, 2024 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Chill out: Dive into the cold plunge craze

Plungers say they get mental clarity and relief for ails in icy water in tubs, troughs and clubs.

Schack exhibit to highlight Camano Island watercolorists

“Four Decades of Friendship: John Ebner & John Ringen” will be on display Jan. 16 through Feb. 9.

XRT Trim Adds Rugged Features Designed For Light Off-Roading
Hyundai Introduces Smarter, More Capable Tucson Compact SUV For 2025

Innovative New Convenience And Safety Features Add Value

Sequoia photo provided by Toyota USA Newsroom
If Big Is Better, 2024 Toyota Sequoia Is Best

4WD Pro Hybrid With 3-Rows Elevates Full-Size

2025 Toyota Land Cruiser (Provided by Toyota).
2025 Toyota Land Cruiser revives its roots

After a 3-year hiatus, the go-anywhere SUV returns with a more adventurous vibe.

Enjoy the wilderness in the CX-50. Photo provided by Mazda USA Newsroom
2025 Mazda CX-50 Adds Hybrid Capability to Turbo Options

Line-Up Receives More Robust List Of Standard Equipment

Practical And Functional bZ4X basks in sunshine. Photo provided by Toyota Newsroom.
2024 bZ4X Puts Toyota Twist On All-Electric SUV’s

Modern Styling, Tech & All-Wheel Drive Highlight

Photo provided by Mazda USA Newsroom
2025 Mazda3 Turbo Premium Plus Hatch Delivers Value

Plus Functionality of AWD And G-Vectoring

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.