Managing life’s transitions: The only constant in life is change

Life is change, but change isn’t easy. Here’s how to better cope with life’s natural progression.

In the New York Times on Feb. 25, Sasha Cohen, the 2006 figure skating Olympic silver medalist, shared the story of her retirement from skating.

She spent her childhood and adolescence training for competitions. Like all internationally-ranked athletes, her entire life was her sport. But after she stepped off Olympic ice, she was unprepared for her future as an ordinary civilian. She felt lost and uncertain. Michael Phelps, the most decorated swimmer of all time, fell into a deep depression when he retired from swimming.

Like Olympic athletes, many of us ordinary folks are prone to putting all of our eggs in one basket. Some put everything into their job. Others, are solely devoted to their family — their children, grandchildren, spouse or parents. Inevitably, our work life comes to an end. Our children grow up. Our grandchildren become teenagers and lose interest in the adults around them. Our parents pass away.

Mary, now in her mid-60s, moved to the Northwest 20 years ago to live near her sister and her sister’s family. Several years ago her sister passed away and, more recently, her nephew and his daughter moved away. Everything is different now. Her grandniece is 13 and has more important things to do than to spend time with her great aunt. Mary feels lost and doesn’t know what to do next.

Bill, 80, recently lost his wife to cancer. He has the beginning stages of Parkinson’s disease. Always somewhat dependent on his wife, he lives alone in a large house where they raised their four children. He’s depressed and anxious, and worries about the future. But mostly, he’s very lonely. He would probably be much happier living in a retirement community with other older adults. But he refuses to consider alternative living options.

Life is change. Everything has a beginning, middle and end.

Sometimes change comes suddenly — with an unanticipated loss of a relationship or job. Other times, these transitions are long-anticipated. The unexpected changes can be jarring and dramatic. We feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath us. But other times, like our Olympic champions, we know that our time in the fast lane will come to a natural end.

So how can we better cope with life’s natural transitions?

Accept your feelings. It’s natural to mourn the loss of important relationships, work or other significant changes. It’s important to acknowledge these losses, feel sad, angry or adrift. These emotions will rise up, like waves from the ocean. We have to accept them, even though they can be intense. Don’t resist them — ride them until they dissolve into something else.

Anticipate and expect change. This is tough because we want to believe that what we love or is familiar will last forever. But it won’t. It will come to its natural end even though we may not know how or when. Savor all that you love today — drink deeply of your life, but know that it will change and become something else. Don’t get too comfortable.

It’s always good to have a Plan B. I loved practicing aikido, a physically demanding martial art. But I anticipated that someday I would no longer be able to fly through the air and land on the mat. About five years ago, I started studying tai chi, a more suitable mind-body practice for an ageing body. I knew the day would come that I would have to retire from my aikido practice.

It’s very helpful to think ahead and imagine what your life might look like doing a different job, living in a different place, working for a different company or having an empty nest.

Don’t let fear hold you back. Change is scary. We push against our comfort zone when we try something new. Don’t let your discomfort stop you from moving forward.

Paul Schoenfeld is director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health. His blog can be found at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

What’s Up columnist Andrea Brown with a selection of black and white glossy promotional photos on Wednesday, June 18, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Free celeb photos! Dig into The Herald’s Hollywood time capsule

John Wayne, Travolta, Golden Girls and hundreds more B&W glossies are up for grabs at August pop-up.

Rodney Ho / Atlanta Journal-Constitution / Tribune News Service
The Barenaked Ladies play Chateau Ste. Michelle in Woodinville on Friday.
Coming events in Snohomish County

Send calendar submissions for print and online to features@heraldnet.com. To ensure your… Continue reading

Edmonds announces summer concert lineup

The Edmonds Arts Commission is hosting 20 shows from July 8 to Aug. 24, featuring a range of music styles from across the Puget Sound region.

Big Bend Photo Provided By Ford Media
2025 Ford Bronco Sport Big Bend Increases Off-Road Capability

Mountain Loop Highway Was No Match For Bronco

Cascadia College Earth and Environmental Sciences Professor Midori Sakura looks in the surrounding trees for wildlife at the North Creek Wetlands on Wednesday, June 4, 2025 in Bothell, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Cascadia College ecology students teach about the importance of wetlands

To wrap up the term, students took family and friends on a guided tour of the North Creek wetlands.

Mustang Convertible Photo Provided By Ford Media Center
Ford’s 2024 Ford Mustang Convertible Revives The Past

Iconic Sports Car Re-Introduced To Wow Masses

Kim Crane talks about a handful of origami items on display inside her showroom on Monday, Feb. 17, 2025, in Snohomish, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Crease is the word: Origami fans flock to online paper store

Kim’s Crane in Snohomish has been supplying paper crafters with paper, books and kits since 1995.

The 2025 Nissan Murano midsize SUV has two rows of seats and a five-passenger capacity. (Photo provided by Nissan)
2025 Nissan Murano is a whole new machine

A total redesign introduces the fourth generation of this elegant midsize SUV.

A woman flips through a book at the Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Pop some tags at Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley

$20 buys an outfit, a unicycle — or a little Macklemore magic. Sales support the food bank.

The Mukilteo Boulevard Homer on Monday, May 12, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
‘Homer Hedge’: A Simpsons meme takes root in Everett — D’oh!

Homer has been lurking in the bushes on West Mukilteo Boulevard since 2023. Stop by for a selfie.

Sarah and Cole Rinehardt, owners of In The Shadow Brewing, on Wednesday, March 12, 2025 in Arlington, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
In The Shadow Brewing: From backyard brews to downtown cheers

Everything seems to have fallen into place at the new taproom location in downtown Arlington

Bar manager Faith Britton pours a beer for a customer at the Madison Avenue Pub in Everett. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Burgers, brews and blues: Madison Avenue Pub has it all

Enjoy half-price burgers on Tuesday, prime rib specials and live music at the Everett mainstay.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.