This personal trainer is learning to let herself go

After decades of dieting and working out, she’s ready to accept that her body is beautiful.

This column is dedicated to women who struggle to accept their bodies and believe that a tight, lean physique equates worthiness and value. I struggle with you. — Catherine

Letting go. It’s a seemingly never-ending process that comes up repeatedly, in all facets of life, whether we want to let go or not.

We let go of our childhood, friends, relationships, jobs, homes, pets and loved ones. We lose security, trust and sometimes hope. As the decades roll on, we leave behind our looks, our health, and finally, our human bodies.

Have I mastered the art of letting go? Not remotely. I’ve kept jobs I hated because the thought of change and uncertainty was scary and overwhelming. I’ve stayed in relationships long past their expiration date because the notion of saying goodbye and moving on was too daunting.

And for so long, I clung to the belief that in order to be attractive and worthwhile, my body had to be lean, tight, hard. Perfect.

I kept a tough, taut body for much of my adult life. After all, flab and fat were the enemy and the less softness (which, to me, signified weakness and aging) and more muscle I sported, the better. “Rock Solid Bod” was my business slogan for many years and, oh, did I walk the talk. In my mind, my lean, muscular body symbolized power, control, discipline and success.

But did it really? Did my defined physique miraculously change me on the inside? Was I free of fear and anxiety because I managed to keep my body on a rigid diet and workout regime? God, no. I still felt as much insecurity as any other woman struggling to love and accept her body — the only difference being that my arms were toned.

Still, I refused to allow myself to go soft. I carried on, maintaining a low body-fat percentage, following a strict diet and building lots and lots of muscle.

It wasn’t until years later that I allowed myself to even consider the idea that softness of the female body isn’t such a bad thing. God knows, my partner was never crazy about my sinewy build. “Why do you have to be more muscular than me?” he would grouse. He loudly wished I would ease up on the reigns and allow myself to form a softer stomach, rounded hips and fuller breasts.

And allow it, I finally did.

At 48 years old, I now carry additional pounds since my “Rock Solid Bod” era. I continue to eat healthy but without getting obsessive. Dietary indulgences are enjoyed, not shunned. I work out regularly and enthusiastically, but not fanatically. I still adore lifting weights, but I focus more on shaping my muscles rather than building up mass.

My body is strong, yet not bulging. I am finally giving it permission to be softer, more feminine, even nurturing. But to do so, I’ve had to let go of decades of self-programming the belief that softness is unacceptable and a turn-off.

And, oh my, releasing old ways of thinking is no easy feat. I still have moments in the mirror where I scowl at my less-defined upper arms and wider hips. The temptation to say “To hell with this” and return to my rock-solid build is still there.

It’s a work in progress for me, but letting go of rigid thinking is always just that. After all, we spend decades clinging to beliefs that don’t serve us, so it stands to reason that releasing such beliefs will take time. Nothing about letting go is a walk in the park, and so I do my best to be patient and keep at it.

To the women reading who struggle with body acceptance — be it weight gain, the middle-aged spread, loosening skin, whatever — I invite you to soften your opinion of yourself.

It was my mind that softened first, and my body simply followed suit. Though I never thought I’d allow myself say it, a little mind/body softness is a wonderful thing.

Catherine Bongiorno is a personal trainer, nutritional therapist and owner of Lift To Lose Fitness & Nutrition. Email her at info@lifttolose.com or visit www.lifttolose.com for more information.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Life

What’s Up columnist Andrea Brown with a selection of black and white glossy promotional photos on Wednesday, June 18, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Free celeb photos! Dig into The Herald’s Hollywood time capsule

John Wayne, Travolta, Golden Girls and hundreds more B&W glossies are up for grabs at August pop-up.

Rodney Ho / Atlanta Journal-Constitution / Tribune News Service
The Barenaked Ladies play Chateau Ste. Michelle in Woodinville on Friday.
Coming events in Snohomish County

Send calendar submissions for print and online to features@heraldnet.com. To ensure your… Continue reading

Edmonds announces summer concert lineup

The Edmonds Arts Commission is hosting 20 shows from July 8 to Aug. 24, featuring a range of music styles from across the Puget Sound region.

Big Bend Photo Provided By Ford Media
2025 Ford Bronco Sport Big Bend Increases Off-Road Capability

Mountain Loop Highway Was No Match For Bronco

Cascadia College Earth and Environmental Sciences Professor Midori Sakura looks in the surrounding trees for wildlife at the North Creek Wetlands on Wednesday, June 4, 2025 in Bothell, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Cascadia College ecology students teach about the importance of wetlands

To wrap up the term, students took family and friends on a guided tour of the North Creek wetlands.

Mustang Convertible Photo Provided By Ford Media Center
Ford’s 2024 Ford Mustang Convertible Revives The Past

Iconic Sports Car Re-Introduced To Wow Masses

Kim Crane talks about a handful of origami items on display inside her showroom on Monday, Feb. 17, 2025, in Snohomish, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Crease is the word: Origami fans flock to online paper store

Kim’s Crane in Snohomish has been supplying paper crafters with paper, books and kits since 1995.

The 2025 Nissan Murano midsize SUV has two rows of seats and a five-passenger capacity. (Photo provided by Nissan)
2025 Nissan Murano is a whole new machine

A total redesign introduces the fourth generation of this elegant midsize SUV.

A woman flips through a book at the Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Pop some tags at Good Cheer Thrift Store in Langley

$20 buys an outfit, a unicycle — or a little Macklemore magic. Sales support the food bank.

The Mukilteo Boulevard Homer on Monday, May 12, 2025 in Everett, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
‘Homer Hedge’: A Simpsons meme takes root in Everett — D’oh!

Homer has been lurking in the bushes on West Mukilteo Boulevard since 2023. Stop by for a selfie.

Sarah and Cole Rinehardt, owners of In The Shadow Brewing, on Wednesday, March 12, 2025 in Arlington, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
In The Shadow Brewing: From backyard brews to downtown cheers

Everything seems to have fallen into place at the new taproom location in downtown Arlington

Bar manager Faith Britton pours a beer for a customer at the Madison Avenue Pub in Everett. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Burgers, brews and blues: Madison Avenue Pub has it all

Enjoy half-price burgers on Tuesday, prime rib specials and live music at the Everett mainstay.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.