All the animals in the zoo

  • Jon Bauer and Katie Mayer, Herald staff
  • Monday, March 17, 2008 10:58pm
  • OpinionThe Buzz

The savanna diet: Not unlike Americans, zoo animals are looking a little flabby, and U.S. zookeepers are putting polar bears, orangutans and parrots on a diet.

So, with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel, The Buzz puts “At the Zoo” on the Atkins diet:

The monkeys count their calories,

Giraffes are eating lean,

And the elephants are joining Jenny Craig.

Orangutans are skeptical of treadmills in their cages,

And the zookeeper drinks Slimfast by the keg.

Zebras won’t eat fats or dairy,

Antelopes are carbo-wary,

Pigeons gave up eating bread,

And hamsters won’t touch meat that’s red.

What a gas! You gotta come and eat at the zoo.

A couple other tidbits:

* The Tennessee house shaped like a flying saucer sold for $135,000, surprising the auctioneer, who had expected higher bids (Page A2). Maybe the owner should have tried moving the house to Roswell first.

* Idaho is poised to repeal a ban on selling package liquor on election day (Page B5). This is good news for losing candidates, who will at last be able to cry into something stronger than a wine cooler.

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