How about a goat, Dick?

“Bloody thou art, bloody will be thy end”: Scientists announced Monday that a skeleton unearthed from beneath a city parking lot in Leicester, England, was that of Richard III, who ruled England from 1483 to 1485. William Shakespeare famously depicted Richard as a hunchbacked tyrant who dies in battle yelling, “My kingdom for a horse!”

Poor Richard; no horse, no kingdom. But at least he had free parking for all those years.

Penny for your thoughts: Noting that it costs more to make a penny than what it’s worth, the Royal Canadian Mint has ended production and distribution of Canada’s one-cent coin. The government is asking merchants to begin rounding purchases to the nearest nickel.

There goes my retirement dream of opening a 99-cent store in Winnipeg.

Soon to be a major motion picture: The U.S. government is expressing doubts about Iran’s claim that it successfully sent a monkey into space and returned it alive and well to Earth. A State Department spokeswoman said photos of the monkey astronaut seemed to show two different monkeys before and after the space shot.

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The truth is, the first monkey did survive the space shot but landed in the compound of the Canadian embassy and sneaked out of the country with a forged passport.

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